turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I feel like death gave me a hand job
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
