I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
