Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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