Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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