wakey wakey hands off snakey
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
