My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
