He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
