you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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