Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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