Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
