And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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