I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
