i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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