Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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