The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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