Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Jerry, you need to find god
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
