You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Randomize
