I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
