My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
