so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
