Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
