I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
