Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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