Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
