My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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