Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
