Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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