Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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