Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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