i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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