Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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