NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
