she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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