I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
