whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
