so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
