I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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