you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
