I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
