Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
