Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
