come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
