roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
