swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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