It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
