I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
