first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
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