Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I wish life had little blips of pornography
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
