My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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