you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
