by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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