I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
