i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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