Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
